The notorious Womanizer W100: a sex toy that erupted onto the scene like your eccentric old aunt, showing up to the family reunion in a faux-fur coat that more closely resembles a shag carpet, embellishing her sentences with fake-jeweled fingers flying dramatically through the air, and wanting to know when that damn valet is going to park her Geo Metro.
Luxury. Am I right?
The Womanizer is utterly cringeworthy in both name and design. It’s left sex toy reviewers befuddled as to how anyone could possibly think that such a hideous disaster is synonymous with “female pleasure.” (Although it helps if you first reduce all clitoris owners to their most narrow & cisnormative gender stereotypes.) It’s a toy that gave Dizzy flashbacks to the 80s: all animal prints & glittering rhinestones. Lilly aptly nicknamed hers “Blanche.” And Epiphora‘s review is to blame for the horrifying mental image I had of “sucking snot” from a clitoris. Sadly, they are all incredibly spot-on.
The Womanizer W100 looks like someone got the ridiculous idea to make a designer ear thermometer — and only asked for fashion tips from 12 year old girls. It’s available in varying colors of leopard print & crocodile skin, red roses, and edgy tattoo designs. (There’s even a $500+ limited edition Swarovski crystal version.) No matter what the style, one thing is consistent: it is always ugly.
Maybe I’m being a bit too harsh. In an industry where innovation is often advertised — but very difficult to actually come by — the Womanizer succeeds in being a one-of-a-kind sex toy. You place the nozzle (or “treatment head,” as they disgustingly call it) over your clitoris, pressing just enough to seal the edges against your skin, and passively wait for an orgasm to wash over you.
Its magic is often attributed to a subtle combination of suction & vibration, but I’m with Lilly in not being entirely convinced that suction is what’s actually going on here. It may feel like suction at first, especially when pressed against rounded parts of your body: the pad of your finger, tip of your nose, or yes — even your clitoris. But if you hover the nozzle over your lips (one of the most sensitive & discerning parts of your body), you’ll actually notice that the Womanizer seems to be blowing cool air rather than sucking it in.
Womanizer’s promotional video describes the technology as “pulsating pressure waves” and it’s exactly these pulses, like tiny quick bursts of air, that I think might be responsible for most of the vibrating sensation too. If you place your finger on one side of the nozzle, you won’t feel hardly any movement (even at maximum intensity). That sensation only comes from the inside — “vibrating” the edges after you’ve successfully prevented the air from escaping.
Bravo, Womanizer. This shit is genius.