I’ve used The Womanizer more, and in various ways, since I first spoke about it; I haven’t learned much, honestly. Yet I still named it one of the Best Sex Toys of 2015 because I like it that damn much. I’m gonna just write about it and apologize. I feel like I’ve failed you, readers. I still haven’t figured out what makes me like the Womanizer so much. I still haven’t figured out who will love it and who will hate it. I have discovered what happens when you (as I warned against) use it during your period. I’ve resisted the temptation to crack the fucker open like a lobster. So hey, let’s just get on with The Most Useless Review I’ve Ever Written.
That really boosted your confidence in me, eh?
Some Strong Opinions and Theories
There’s really only one question I think I can answer. Someone asked me a few weeks ago if I thought that the Womanizer could be shared/swapped/regifted/whatever to a friend with whom you’re not fluid-bonded. At first I said no. But after using it accidentally while I was spotting (I didn’t realize I was bleeding, or I wouldn’t have used it) I understand where the fluid goes and where it doesn’t. The silicone nozzle head extends fully inside the suction cavity and I think I feel pretty safe in saying if you clean the outside of it well, it’s safe to share. They do give you two silicone nozzles. Maybe they understand that you’d want to share with your bestie?
I was also right about telling you not to use this when you’re bleeding. I was only mildly spotting and it showed me where fluid gets trapped. Right in those goddamn seams I bitched about. I’m going to have to repurpose a toothbrush just for Womanizer cleaning. Until they revamp this design they should include a little crevice cleaning tool.
Some have said that this technology seems to be too similar to those blackhead suckers, that it must be one of those (modified). I’ve never owned one of those but I feel pretty damn confident that they’d have to have a fuck ton more suction than the Womanizer does. In fact….I’m actually not sure there’s ANY suction. I put this up against my lower lip where I could be certain it has a seal and concentrated on the sensations. It’s like a teeny tiny finger is lightly, quickly tapping on me. When I increase it, the tapping is more intense and faster still. A seal needs to happen to get this action going but I’m not sure it’s actually suction. In fact when I have it on “high” and have it up to my mouth I can feel air coming *out* of it, not being sucked in. The only thing on the Womanizer site2 that makes me think “suction” is the little illustration in their video. But they don’t say “suction” on the website, they say “pleasure air technology”. Let’s imagine we’re in the bathtub. We have the tiniest itsiest weeniest little Barbie-dream-house-sized shower head. Yes, shower head. On jet pulse mode. Tiny, concentrated, under-the-water sensations. Near your clitoris, not directly on. That’s the Womanizer. That, folks, is the best damn comparison I can come up with for you.
And I’m not really sure there’s any true vibration, either, because I feel nothing on any part of the toy. I can hold my fingers against the silicone nozzle and feel nothing like vibrations. Whatever this little machine is doing it is unlike anything on the market, and I feel like that’s the first time I can really say that and think it’s a good thing. Given what I’m feeling I’m even more shocked that this thing works for me, and works so well. It truly must be made of magic. Also? I’ve never had to fucking analyze a sex toy like this. Usually I pull out 4-7 others, turn em on, shove them against various parts of my body, compare intensity and buzz vs. rumble and bing bang boom there ya have it. Hell with most vibrators I can tell you within 1 minute of turning it on and holding it in my hand if it’s going to work for me or not. There's more...